The Post Where I Talk About Post-Partum Depression

I have alluded to this a few times before, but I feel it is time to come right on out with it.

I have been suffering with post-partum depression.

I had a titch of this with Sara, but it was nothing like this. This has been a whole different problem and has affected me in a much different way.

I kept waiting for it to just ebb away as my hormones got under control and my body got back to normal.

I thought maybe once I found my groove, it would stop sneaking up on me and making me miserable.

I hoped that if I stayed busy and productive, I wouldn't have time to feel silly things like depression and anxiety.

I dove into spiritual practices hoping that would alleviate some of the pressure of this little demon in my life.

Unfortunately, no amount of routine, productivity or scripture reading has had a lasting affect for me. I have had temporary relief, which was extremely welcome, but I can always feel that thinly veiled despair just lurking in the back of my mind and life, waiting to pounce when I am weak or tired enough for it to floor me again.

Now, the reason I am writing this is because I am not the kind of person who would do well in therapy, which is what most of the things I have read about have told me to do. I don't like to tell my good friends when I feel weak, much less some stranger. I just don't think I would be able to really open up, and that would defeat the purpose.

I also do not want to take any medication for it. I am breast feeding, and I don't care what the label says, I have a hard time believing that a drug that is strong enough to change my chemical balance and alter my mood levels is not strong enough to affect my milk.

So, I have thought about it, and I have prayed about it and have determined that this is the most therapeutic thing in my life. Writing. Putting my thoughts into words and sharing them with the few people who wander by this blog.

Some of you are made uncomfortable by this kind of frankness where you expect only pictures of my adorable children. Sorry. Indulge me, or just play in my archives while I explore this option of dealing with this.

Anyway, after chatting with Heavenly Father a bit, he told me that I am very likely not the only woman who frequents this space that has felt/ is feeling this way. He also told me that some of my coping mechanisms, while not permanent solutions, are good steps. Basically, he told me to talk about it here. So, since I like to follow the promptings I receive in my conversations with deity, I have decided to do a series of posts about the things I have found that have helped me.

Yes, that means this is not the only time I will be burdening the blog with talk of my post partum depression. This blog is about my life, and as ashamed as I am at times about this, post partum depression is a very real figure in my life right now.