Starting Over

I had a rough night. I didn't sleep much. Between the bladder infection that is being defiant against anti-biotics, my sciatic pain, and switching between being way too hot and way too cold, many nights have found me just exhausted enough to be miserable, but not quite enough to fall asleep.

Last night, however, that was all complicated with worries of another sort. I laid awake most of the night fretting about some fears, frustrations, and inadequacies that would not leave me alone. I suppose some raging hormones could be thrown in there too- but I like to think the concerns are valid enough on their own to upset me without blaming something else on the pregnancy.

I tried to talk some of these things out with Ross before he left to work, but he didn't really have the time or lucidity that I needed at that moment.

When the girls got up a short time later and began their day with fighting and whining, I couldn't take it. It was too much today. I was not capable of properly handling the situation, so I handled it improperly. This resulted, not surprisingly, in tears, yelling, tears, screaming, tears, and hurt feelings on all sides. Nobody was happy- not even the cat who wisely hid himself under Emma's bed instead of begging for breakfast like he ususally does.

I left two little girls in sobbing heaps in the hallway while I locked myself in my bedroom and said a tearful prayer for help. I was told to start over. So I did. I got out my computer and put on my piano music/Mormon Tabernacle Choir station on Pandora. I opened my door, gave the girls both a hug, an apology, and a sincere, "I love you."

I then crawled back into my bed, and went to sleep. I was joined by the girls, one on each side snuggled in as close as they could get. We woke up about 45 minutes later, and that short time seemed to have been just enough to perform the miracle of saving our day. I was now happy to be there with my girls and excited to have a day full of playing, singing, and, as always, working, cooking and cleaning.

As I type this, the girls are giggling and playing some kind of silly and imaginative game in the tub (the bubbles are clouds, and they are making them rain- cute!), after which we will have breakfast where I will let Sara have some of my coveted yogurt and I will let Emma have an extra squirt of chocolate syrup in her milk.

Today will be a good day, all because I started over. I did not let that first rocky beginning set the tone of my day. Rather, I ignored it and made a new beginning for myself.

At some point I will have to call Ross at work to thank him for working so hard at a job that he has to travel an hour to get to and that can be monotonous and frustrating all so I can stay at home with our gorgeous children and have the chance on some days to start over.

I laid around in bed until well after 9:00 today. That is more than 3 hours after he gets up.

I would waste time feeling guilty about that except that today is going to be a good day, and I plan on making his favorite brownies and pizza dough recipe (not together, of course).

Today I am grateful for my sweet girls (who are actually sweet now rather than whiny and obnoxious, thank goodness!), my amazing husband, his steady job, prayer, and my Father in Heaven who is quick to respond to my pleas with meaningful counsel and direction.

Today will be a good day- even if at some point I have to climb back in bed and start it all over a third time!