Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Due Date Dilemma

What is the first question you ask when you hear someone is pregnant? If you are anything like me and everyone else I know it is something along the lines of, "When are you due?", closely followed by, "Do you know what you are having yet?", and "Do you have names picked out?"

The weird thing about this pregnancy has been that I can't give a definative answer to any of themse common questions yet. I have had to give vague answers, and some of them have turned out to be wrong. How can that be, you ask? I think this pregnancy just wasn't meant to be easy on me in ANY way.

Well, actually we do have names picked out- but I am NOT telling ANYONE!


The guideline most doctors use to determine due dates for babies is the first day of the last menstrual cycle. 40 weeks from that date is the approximate due date of the fetus in gestation.

That doesn't usually work to well for me as I am not, like other women, 'like clock-work' in the regular cycle area.

The other measure comes with the first ultrasound, usually at 8 weeksish, when they measure the baby. This can give an approximate idea of how far along the baby really is, and can establish, or possibly change an existing due date by a few weeks.

That is how the due dates for Emma and Sara were both established. The due date off of the measurements always changed the original due date (made from the first day of my most recent period) by moving it FORWARD a couple of weeks. I got a lecture the first time for getting the ulstrasound too soon even though I made it VERY CLEAR that I am not a regular woman. Whatever.

Anyway, things are a little more complicated this time because it looks like, from what the doctor is saying, what I last thought was a menstual cycle, was actually my 5th miscarriage. I didn't take my at-home pregnancy test until I had endured a week and a half of fatuge and nausea. I thought I might have a flu or something. The doctor thinks this, along with the depression I was dealing with at that time, are really signs of coping both physically and emotionally with a miscarriage. That means that if he is right, when I took that test and got a positive result, I could have been no more than a week or so pregnant, and not a full month like I had originally thought.

That means that when I thought I was almost to the end of the first Trimester Hell, I was still looking at another 3-4 weeks. Awesome. It also means my due date moved from the end of April to the end of May, possibly the beginning of June. Awesome.

So, to all of you who ask about my due date and get an unsure response- that is why. I am not hiding a secret or anything. I am just not sure. The doctor could have been wrong, but who knows at this point. I do know that I have been constantly sick and tired and emotional for about 16 weeks- but with the possibility of a miscarriage in there, who knows when that ended and the pregnancy began?

Next week I will go in for another check-up, so maybe they will be able to determine something a little more sure. I don't think we will know for sure until I get another ultrasound, which won't be for another 3 weeks.


emi-jo said...

how frustrating with all that back and forth! at least within the next little while you'll be getting some answers, right?....riiiiight??!...common, manda's body! give her a break, here! :)

i love ya hon! you can do it! let me know if you need anything!

ps. thank you for the disclaimer - i am glad i chose to proceed for now i am a much more enlightened woman as to how i work :)

Heidi Ferguson said...

Poor Amanda! I'm sorry about all your miscarriages, I'm sure that was so awful. This may sound super simplistic, but have you tried just measuring your 'region' (from pubic bone to belly button)? The cms will tell you how many weeks you should be at. But you may have already thought of that. It must be so frustrating to not know, and to also still be in the first tri! I HATED my first tri with this pregnancy and was counting down the days until it was over.

Tracie said...

I didn't know about all the miscarriages. If that last one was a miscarriage, I'm glad you didn't know about it. They are more common then people realize. It's just that most people don't take hpt all the time, except those who are trying to get pregnant. And that just makes it doubly hard for them. I genuinely grieve for those who have difficulty getting pregnant or suffer miscarriages commonly. I know too many people in my life with these trials.

I wanted to add my sympathy for the miscarriages you've been through.

Anyway, on to the due date dilemma. After going through my own pregnancy, I've decided not to bug women about their due dates ever, ever again. Besides they're totally a guess anyway. It causes way too much anxiety having that "deadline." Ever women is different and so is every pregnancy. I like knowing how far along women are but instead of a date, a general indication is good enough. "Sometime in May or sometime in the early/mid spring, etc." These are way more helpful anyway. And then you don't get people calling you fanatically those last couple of weeks asking "Did you have the baby yet?" Seriously people, it's not a race. The baby will come when it's ready. :)

And since I don't think I've said it yet: CONGRATS on the pregnancy!!

Em said...

I'm all for you being due at the end of May personally. Better weather, plus then we can be pregnancy buddies.