It is Impossible to Overestimate the Influence of Parents Who Understand the Hearts of Their Children

That title came from Robert D. Hales's conference address entitled 'Our Duty to God: The Mission of Parents and Leaders to the Rising Generation'. When I read that during one of my few quiet moments of the day (which may or may not have been when I locked myself in the restroom for a mommy time-out) that statement struck me with real force.

"It is impossible to overestimate the influence of parents who understand the hearts of their children."

I totally see this daily in my life, and I know that concentrating on it with a more concerted effort will help me be a better mother. I am certain of it. It is such a simple and yet universal statement that applies at every stage of parenthood.

Currently, my stage of mommydom has me overseeing three very different stages of life, and yet this idea of having power in understanding my children is poignant and real in every case.

Emma is in a very informational stage. She is on the cusp of reading and wants so very much to be in charge of almost every situation she is in. I have found it loads easier to have patience with her bossyness when I stop to consider the source of it. She is not ever trying to be mean or undermining. The reality is that she is the oldest and, as a natural consequence of that, found herself in a semi-leadership position at a young age. I get that, having been there myself. It is hard to put aside those tendencies to organize, lead, and create when your parents expect that of you as the elder sibling. That doesn't mean that she doesn't need some tempering at times, but it does keep my temper quiet when I know she is not prone to disrespect.

Understanding this part of her personality has also helped me to be sympathetic to her occasional need for coddling. Emma is pretty mature for her age. She understands and fulfills complicated directions very well, and seldom complains about it because she, like me, gets a high out of fulfilling those kinds of demands. However, I know that sometimes acting beyond her years can wear on her. At those moments, when she begins to have little melt-downs, it has served me well to remember that Little Miss is still a small child and needs snuggles, kisses, and reassuring words just like all the other little girls her age. That can be hard for me as my first reaction is often to tell her to calm down and stop being silly. I don't like whiny children, and have tried to make sure my children know that unneccessary crying is not appropriate or productive. The gift I can give Emma in these situations is to understand when she is whining and needs discipline, and when she is really needing some specialized attention. Our relationship, which I think is pretty strong, hinges on my ability to understand the motives and origins of her actions, and to know how to appropriately respond to them. Elder Hales is right in saying that is very much one of the most influential things in her life.

Sara is in a communicative stage. She is mastering her language and is adding to her vocabulary every day. Her emotions are not nearly as complicated as Emma's- but I know that is coming. I am actually really proud of my little toddler. She is pretty fantastic. She is potty trained and she speaks better than any other 2 year old I have met- including Emma at her age. Her vocabulary is fairly extensive and her sentences are full and comprehensive. . . at least to me. Some people are a bit confused by her brand of toddler vernacular, and I find myself translating sometimes- even for Ross at times. I actually find it a little surprising when other adults don't understand her. Everything she says is so clear to me- because I understand her. She can communicate with me easily the things she needs, wants, dislikes, sees, and is afraid of. The power of regular conversation is incredible, and I have it with my two year old because I understand her. I love that.

Understanding Jack, my sweet almost 2 month baby (by the way- where in the world did those two months go?!) is a simpler, and yet more miraculous thing at this stage. I know my baby. Inside and out. I felt this with my other two, but not nearly as strong. I don't know if I am just better at this new-born thing now, if Jack and I will always have a special bond, or if Heavenly Father is just helping me get through this stage of my life alive by blessing me with a unique facet of interpreting tongues, but I get this kid! I really do. I can tell by his movements, his coos, his grunts, his cries, and his facial expressions exactly what he needs from me. I know when he needs a binky, when he is hungry, when he needs to burp, when he is working on a masterpiece of a diaper, when he wants to be held closer, when he wants his blanket taken off, and so many other things. Somehow, in a way I have never experienced so fully, I understand every nuance of his little spirit. I really understand him, and I credit a great deal of his mellowness to this. He is so much more calm and content than the girls were as babies, and I think that is very much because I understand what he needs to remain so.

"It is impossible to overestimate the influence of parents who understand the hearts of their children."

So true. So very true. I hope I will always be able to understand my children and what they need from me. I hope that I will be able to empathize with them when they make wrong choices by seeing the basis of those decisions. I pray that I will remain as influential in their lives as they grow up by remembering the power of simply understanding them.

Most of all, I am grateful for the profound message Heavenly Father sent to me in a 5 minute break during a very chaotic and demanding day. He is definitely the ultimate example of a parent who understands his children.